I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
Randomize
