Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
we're so committed to being not committed
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
Randomize
