Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
what is it with giant penises always finding me
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
Randomize
