dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
we're talking about where were going. or where we stand. but yeah we'll basically be doing it in the hallway so just ignore us
Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
Randomize
