i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
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