so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
Randomize
