just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
Randomize
