We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
Randomize
