I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
Randomize
