Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
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Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
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