happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
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