She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
Randomize
