I murdered the dance floor call the cops
if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
Ive created a fbook group called "threesome" and invited two girls. Im not going to say a word and just see what happens.
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
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