She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
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She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
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Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
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