Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
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