Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize
