HIV tests are more positive than that guy
just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
I sure hope so...I wonder if he could tell in that email that I'm really good at blow jobs. Hopefully he heard that tone. Any means necessary.
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
