So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
When did angry sex become our thing?
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
Randomize
