I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
Randomize
