are you so shy because you have an std?
people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
Randomize
