I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
is it consensual if they're cheered on by a room filled with 30 people?
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
Randomize
