Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
Randomize
