we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
Randomize
