We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
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