took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
My new dealer is 16. I have been getting high longer than he has been alive.
I don't see the problem
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
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