Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
I don't think brook has ever known best
Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
yes he's amazing in bed. he made me like, black out. everything went black it was weird. so yes, i'd fuck him again. plus, he has every season of buffy on dvd
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
Randomize
