if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
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