Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
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