cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
I know...I feel like disliking her as a person on facebook
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
Randomize
