Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
Randomize
