he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
Randomize
