know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
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