A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
Randomize
