I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP