It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
Randomize
