I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
Randomize
