My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
Randomize
