i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
I'm sorry, our booty call lines closed at 2 am. If you are receiving this message it is our off hours. Please try again between the hours of 12pm and 2 am to reschedule your booty call. Thank you for your cooperation.
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
Randomize
