how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
P.S. I can't hear my feet
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
Randomize
