this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
No...this little piggys going to the bar
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
Send help, water and tortillas.
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
Randomize
