Is it possible to be promiscuous but in a classy way?
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
Randomize
