is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
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