ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
Randomize
