dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
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Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
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