Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
dizzyuy bat. 3.453 lkos. hoit sx, now im single. blackouteed
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
Randomize
