well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
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we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
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It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
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