I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
Randomize
