So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
