last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
Your argument isn't valid... just because I test the waters doesn't make me gay. Makes me versatile. And who doesn't love that!
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
Randomize
