So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
Randomize
