It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
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