what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
Randomize
