I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
Randomize
