Now it won't go down.
You've got a gift.
I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
Randomize
