you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
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