I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
Randomize
