I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
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