Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
Randomize