Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
Randomize
