After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
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