My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
Randomize
