Done. Eyebrows are waxed, entire body shaved
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
Randomize
