some girl that im facebook friends with has H1N1, im scared to even go to her facebook page
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
Randomize
